This post was guest-written by the man in my life, Ken Johnson. I asked Ken to share his perspective on weddings, being that he was once married long ago. I thought that it would be interesting to see this topic played out from all angles – including the man’s. Hopefully, he will be able to chime in on different wedding-related subjects every once in a while. Enjoy!

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I have a unique perspective. I’m a guy, I’ve been married, and I’m lucky to be with Diana Ma. I get a front row seat when it comes to all the issues around planning a wedding – without the emotional attachment. Diana has asked me to occasionally contribute to her blog with my own perspective -so here it is.

Your wedding is one of the biggest moments in your life. It is just as big a moment for your future husband. You are both stepping through a door into a new life, joining a “club” that most likely includes your parents, grandparents and an increasing number of your friends and extended family. So why is planning a wedding almost exclusively dominated by women?

There are lots of reasons. The stereotypical future husband does not care so much about color schemes, stationery, or bride’s maids gowns.  He probably did not fantasize about his eventual wedding when he was younger either. Finally, he’s not bombarded by societal  media and expectations of the perfect wedding.

What does he care about? He wants you to be happy and he wants to start off this new chapter on the right foot. He wants a nice ceremony and people there that are important to him. He may even have some special requests like the music playlist or menu. That’s about it.

I’ve never heard of a groom demanding certain types of flowers or obsessing over place settings. But that doesn’t mean he should be left out of the planning loop.

My advice is understand those few requests he does have, and honor them. In fact highlight those special requests. Find out how much he does want to be involved and work with him on that level. Keep him involved and let him know he’s just as big a part of this as you are. Even if what he wants is not exactly what you want – do it. It’s a great exercise in how you will both need to adapt and work together in the future.

No, it’s not easy. Most guys will let just you run the show. They’ll nod in agreement when your mother jumps in, their attention will trail off when 18 versions of wedding invitations are spread out in front of them, and soon you’ll be on your own with your family/friends in tow planning the whole thing. The trick is finding out what he cares about and letting him manage a few things. He wants a live band? Let him find a few and go to some of their shows together. He wants to ride out on a motorcycle with you after the reception? Do it! An exit like that would be so memorable. How about having the rehearsal dinner at his/your favorite local pub? The point is, keep him included. His input should carry more weight than any of the other advisers you’ll use.

At the end of it all, you want shared special memories of the event. They will include quirky things that happened, funny things that you never anticipated and most importantly announcing to the world your committment to each other. The only way to truly do that is to incorporate both the bride and groom’s ideas of what the wedding day should be.

Diana and I on a weekend when she was not at a wedding.

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Thank you so much for sharing your honest insight, Ken! I am beyond blessed to be with such amazing man and good sport! I hope you are planning a wedding with someone you love and like, as much as I do him. Happy planning everyone!

Tags: Wedding Planning

This entry was posted on Monday, May 17th, 2010 at 3:31 am and is filed under From a Guy's Perspective, Wedding Planning. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.